hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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