I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I have post one night stand depression
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
