shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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