Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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