well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have aggressive nipples.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
