My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
