I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
