4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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