just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
