We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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