hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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