just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
