Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
