we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
