you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
