she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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