My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
