found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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