I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
