Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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