Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
