I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Houston, we have a squirter
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
