in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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