it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
