Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
