sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
