haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
