She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize