woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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