Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god