I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
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Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...