When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
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Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
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Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.