U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice