I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.