if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Blame the bisexuality and move on?