Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
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Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it