If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
