I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
