hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize