sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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