Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
