oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
