but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
