I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
