I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
