There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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