This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
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Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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