Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
