I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
