I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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