If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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