I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
