hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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