So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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