Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
