She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
