Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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