Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
