remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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