We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
