i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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