you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
