We're facebook friends in real life
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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