I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
