Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
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Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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