A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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