Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
